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Section 143
Romeo 2
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Mission Statement | Arias by Bellini, Donizetti, Verdi and Puccini | Mr Sutra and Ms Karma | Business Process Re-engineering | Generous Severance packages | Meet the new boss, same as the old boss | Now under New Management | Genetically Monicafied Orgasms | William Jefferson Airplane Clinton | Chaos Theory and the Monarch Butterfly | Virtual Angels | White Oryctolagus Cuniculus | Forgotten your password ? | What Editor do we use? | Layla | More tea Vicar ?
Home Page? >
Meet the team - Dr Hugo Z Hackenbush, Wolf T Flywheel, etc ? >
Mission Statement
We actually have three
- "Try holding your breath for as long as it takes the Website's home page to load." (That's why we don't have images - we could not afford the litigation !)
- "A wise man does not play leapfrog with a Unicorn"
- "The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
Arias by Bellini, Donizetti, Verdi and Puccini
Lest it be said that the good doctor has no culture (apart from the one sitting in the Bart's Hospital Pathology Lab) he has been asked to be a "patron of the arts", and donate webspace - so here goes......
For those classical music fans with time to spare:
arias by Bellini, Donizetti, Verdi and Puccini
on Sunday 25 April 1999
at 19.30
United Reform Church
Pond Square, Highgate N6
sung by 2 up 'n coming young professionals needing support!
(William Molesworth and Melinda Hughes)
Contribution £12.50 at the door
And now after that commercial break we return to our normal programming !
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Mr Sutra and Ms Karma
Pressure of work, means that the team, here in cyberspace, at www.ContaminatedLAND.co.uk has expanded. In the words of all reputable Web-shops "We are firing".
Click here for details of positions (Mr Sutra and Ms Karma are currently refining the docking procedures that will form part of our Human Resources team-bonding exercise)
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Business Process Re-engineering
As a result the old team were made offers they couldn't refuse from our Management Insultants (Euripedes, Eumenides Sunshine, Orelse SARL, PTY, SA, GBH).
Not for them the hackneyed approach of golden handcuffs. No by using BPR and GBH, they realised that hacked knees are the best motivators (although a case could be advanced for chapped lips)
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Generous Severance packages
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At first it was thought that it would be necessary to initially upsize then leftsize before papersizing and wellysizing. There was some debate over the merits of using concrete waterloo's.
However a detailed Life Cycle Analysis on potential dioxin emissions from cement kilns burning excess BSE infected tallow, led us to the decision that Green wellies would be offer the smallest ecological footprint.
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Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
The bulk of the old team were headhunted, whilst on a motivational team-building outwardbound course near Lows Gully in Sarawak.
A team of scientists from the BSE monitoring unit at the EEC are hard at work monitoring the local inhabitants for signs of incipient Kuru.
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Now under New Management
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The team now in place at www.ContaminatedLAND.co.uk is made up of three key players:-
- Dr Hugo Z Hackenbush - Technical Director
- Wolf T Flywheel - Sales + Marketing Director
- Captain Spalding - Content Director
They are uniquely qualified to understand the Internet as Dr Hackenbush once said of his ISP
"Baravelli you have the mind of a four year old, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it"
It is a scientifically proven fact that only 4 year olds now possess the mental agility needed to program the latest generation of Video Recorders (although why they then feel the need to put strawberry jam sandwiches into the slot normally reserved for the video cassette is still somewhat of a puzzle!)
In addition we also have two foreign workers on the premises (and where would the UK be without it's foreign workers - no Harrods or MacDonalds - quick deport the lot of them !) called Zak and Bur. They are from Burma (well you don't call cats Myanmarese do you) and think they own the place.
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Genetically Monicafied Orgasms
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Unfortunately, as of 21st February, Dr Hackenbush had to leave town abruptly - for health reasons, and was allegedly away in Fredonia, for 2 weeks. Contrary to rumour this has nothing at all to do with Mrs Claypool having seen him last Night in Casablanca partaking of Duck Soup with Lydia (a.k.a. "The Tatooed Lady").
He was back on the 10th of March, older, but no doubt none the wiser for his experiences ! In fact it turned out that he was skiing in Austria with his Personal Assistant - who goes under the Moniker of Lou D'Insky (and unlike most PA's although she takes dic-tation, she doesn't inhale!) - one of the advantages of having Genetically Monicafied Orgasms.
The bad news is that he broke a leg, the good news is that it wasn't his!
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William Jefferson Airplane Clinton
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Whilst on his well earned break Dr H had the opportunity to meet up with a (little) rock legend/sax symbol who not so long ago was performing on prime-time TV. Yes sir William Jefferson Airplane Clinton is still together (unlike Crosby Stills Nash and Young) and talked to Hugo about reprising some of his golden tits from his gory days as a inhalation-interuptus major league bird-dog in the 70's, 80's and 90's.
Apparently some of the old band want to get it together again. Its seems that it will be called the 'Desert Thunder - its a gas tour', so expect to see a line-up that might include Mad Sad on tubular bells (though I thought he got more bang for his buck when he played the super guns - forget high bandwidth, we are talking big bore here)
Some of the old-thyme hits that might once again see thee light of day include that old classic "Don't subpeona my Blue stained shoes" and of course "While my Cigar gently weeps"
When Dr Hackenbush managed to spend time backstage with the sax symbol, he discovered a mutual interest in the finer points of ceegarmanship. Although Dr H is on record as saying 'I love my cigar but take it out occasionally' when, on his TV show, he met a couple who had a dozen or so kids. They told him that the reason for the size of their brood, was not the introduction of digital TV (200 channels and nothing on any of them), but due to the fact they just loved each other.
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Chaos Theory and the Monarch Butterfly
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Early reports in the London Newspapers suggested that William Jefferson Airplane Clinton (known to his friends as 'Free Willy') had been nominated for a Nobel prize in the field of Physics.
The nomination was for his part in a long-term study to prove chaos theory (yup thats right, where either an Iron Butterfly flaps its wings and destroys an Inn a' Garden a Babylon Video, or - to be more upto date - where a Monarch Butterfly dies from eating GM maize pollen and destroys Lord Melchett's Tanzanian holiday)
Researchers noted that that act of unzipping his flies three years ago caused Bagdad's infrastructure to last night experience overload and subsequent cistern failure.
However there report was retracted in later editions when it emerged the two events were unconnected. It has now been confirmed that the situation in Bagdad was due to premature testing for embedded Y2K Millennium bugs. This caused the sewage and air conditioning systems of the ancient city to interface with somewhat predicable results.
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Virtual Angels
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Ah philosophy where would we be without it - probably stuck in the Dark Ages debating how many angels can dance on the head of a pin !
Nowadays we have moved into the virtual age and instead contemplate how many virtual angels can dance on the virtual head of a virtual pin.
So Dr Aristotle (I presume you have a doctorate otherwise this conversation will not become academic, as the lack of a doctorate means the lack of an academic !), as I was saying before I sipped that Hemlock lite, what exactly is a virtual angel ?
Well if angels finance real things (theatre runs etc) in the real world, then do virtual angels finance virtual things (like bankrolling Mother Theresa) in the virtual world ? Then again maybe they finance abstract concepts (such as the p/e ratio of Amazon.com) in the abstact world.
Having demolished virtual angels lets move onto virtual heads, is Steve Balmer the virtual head of Microsoft (well he's almost there) or perhaps Al Gore is the virtual President of the USA, afterall the current one isn't virtual (if that nice Monica Lewinsky is to be believed)
Just as a virtual thought, why did his parents call him after a White Rabbit (William Jefferson Airplane does sound cute though) on Magic Mushrooms - ah ha the mushrooms were magic, hence they were virtual - ergo cogito sum, Slick Willy is virtual and free !
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White Oryctolagus Cuniculus
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It has just struck Dr Hackenbush that this whole impeachment thing is just a cynical exploitation of the American people to make them heark back to a simpler era - the 60's
In fact it is nothing more than a huge publicity gig for the forthcoming national tour by the reformed 'Jefferson Airplane'
Well look at the evidence :-
- William Jefferson (Airplane) Clinton
- (Grace) Slick Willie
- Linda (feed your head) Trip
- Ken Starr(ship)
- White(rabbit)house
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Forgotten your password ?
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Help is at hand as you could of course - use someone elses !
Well why not, afterall you don't do cookies do you (oh sorry I didn't know that anyone did nowadays, well then Delia might cover them later)
I mean all those adverts in the back in the 80's about safe sex, and not accepting sweets from strangers and here you are in the late 90's happy to give your cookie file to a complete stranger you met a few hyperlinks ago!
Well if you are able to kick the cookie habit (it ruins your nose, just ask Linda Rhonda-stadt), then its a piece of micturate, try any of these :-
- 'Swordfish' - user name Chico
- 'Cyberpunk' - user name Cyberpunk
- 'Password' ? - user name Username
- 'Honk honk' - user name Harpo
- 'Two hard boiled eggs' - user name Groucho
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What Editor do we use ?
If you want to meet the rest of the team - some of whom are on work experience (weddings a speciality), whilst others have relatives who were amongst the first bipeds in space (nowadays unfortunately they only earn peanuts) then the answer lies in the Meta-Tags, so as they say in America
"Go view source"
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Layla
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Layla and other assorted love songs by 'Derek and the Dominoes' - released in 1970
Bobby Whitlock - organ, piano, vocals + acoustic guitar
Jim Gordon - drums, percussion + piano
Carl Radle - bass + percussion
Duane Allman - guitars
Voted in Second place by the listeners of Virgin Radio, in their 1997/98 New Years poll of the top 500 records of all time.
Voted in Top position by the DJ's at Virgin Radio in the Summer of 1997, in their internal poll of the top 500 records of all time.
'Brownie' the 1956 Fender guitar used by Eric Clapton to play the eponymous track on his album Layla recently sold for £311,000 in June 1999 at an auction of 100 of his guitars, that raised over £ 3 million for his Crossroads drink and drugs rehabilitation centre in Antigua.
Never heard the track ? well as residents of Horwood E-block at Keele University in the early '70s know it sounds like this
Baddle daddle daddle dan, dan dan dan dan dan !