How to download your copy of 'Bolux'

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1. The file is a 'zip' file, i.e. it is compressed. In it's uncompressed form it is about 1.8 Mb in size (compared to the full Website - which is around 2.7Mb). In it's 'zipped' format it is around 760Kb (just over half of a floppy disk) - this will take around 15 minutes with a 14.4 modem i.e. around 1Kb per minute.

2. In order to download the disk, you should go onto the Internet with your copy of Netscape (or whatever) and access the Bolux sub-directory (yes it does exist) and download the latest version of the 'zipped Bolux file' onto your Computer.

3. The version numbering system is 'bolux-[year][month].zip' The year for 1999 is '9', and the months go from 'a' (Jan/Feb) to 'f' (Nov/Dec). Hence 'bolux-9a.zip' is the version for the first two months of 1999.

   The current version is 'bolux-9c.zip, posted onto the site on Wednesday 14th July 1999

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How to 'unzip it' and install it

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1. Netscape will ask you where you would like to save the 'zip' file to (it will prompt you to 'save it to disk' i.e. your hard-disk) just save it to any sub-directory, as all you are doing initially is downloading it.

2. Once you have downloaded it onto your computer you will have to 'unzip' it. There are no viruses in the 'zipped Bolux file' (as it is just ASCII text) but if you want to be on the safe side you can run it through a virus checker.

3. Create a sub-directory (e.g. 'Website') and transfer the 'zipped Bolux file' into it.

4. Unzip the file, there are a variety of (un)compression software packages, the one we used was pkzip.exe / pkunzip.exe which is the grandfather of (un)compression packages. When you unzip the file you need to make sure that you keep the 'directory structure' of the sub-directories on the Website.

5. If you want to use 'pkunzip.exe' there are copies of it on most shareware sites on the Internet (e.g. www.Tucows.com). In order to unzip 'bolux-9c.zip'and to keep the original sub-directories do the following :-

   • type pkunzip -d bolux-9c.zip don't forget the -d bit, as this puts the files into their correct sub-directories. If you forget to include the -d bit you will get all the pages in one main directory. Don't worry if you do it wrong, just try again!

   • if on unzipping you are told that there was an error whilst 'unzipping' (as Bill no doubt said to Hilary) just ignore it (like Slick Willy) and carry on as normal. If there is any 'corruption' (my how real-life imitates art !) it will be only on a couple of the pages, and you can always download those the normal way by just hitting the Internet and accessing the relavant page and saving it to your hard-disk.

6. To load up the site just load the file called 'index.htm' into your browser, and you should get the familiar old homepage of www.ContaminatedLAND.co.uk

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I find all this talk of 'unzipping' undignified

Funny you should say that, so did Ken Starr and half of the United States Senate. Fat lot of good it did them, although it apparently was a breath-taking example of 'foot-in-the-mouth-itis' we will probably find out it was due to all that Genetically Monicafied Soya Maize etc that they consume on the wrong side of The Atlantic !

Dr Hackenbush (as always) has a different take on what it was really all about. He reckons it was a publicity stunt for the reformed Jefferson Airplane

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How often is it updated

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Come on now pay attention - you were told earlier the version numbering system is 'bolux-[year][month].zip' The year for 1999 is '9', and the months go from 'a' (Jan/Feb) to 'f' (Nov/Dec). Hence 'bolux-9a.zip' is the version for the first two months of 1999.

Ergo Cogito Sum, it's updated every two months - apart from when there is a 'blue moon' - which is why it came out at the end of February (as January and March apparently are 'blue moon' months here in the UK).

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How do I upgrade to a full version

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Simple - just send us £ 42 and we will send you a full set of 'unzipped' disks i.e. you don't have to fiddle around with 'downloading', 'unzipping' and generally faffing around. Plus of course you save money as you are not paying your telephone company for download time, and let's face it does not need the money as much as we do!

You will also get monthly updates by email of the Keyword index, i.e twice as quick as the new 'lite' version of 'Bolux' is released

For more information on this amazing offer, check out our Olde Englishe Ordere Forme (said with a 'Californian New-Age drawl)

Of course if the product (Bolux) was being marketed from the depths of Essex - we would tell you it was the k-9's doodahs!